Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A Few Interesting Notes from Class

     "Can I go get my paper that's due today out of my car?"
     "Nothing's due today," the teacher said, (with a confused, almost disgusted, maybe snobby face).
     "I thought we had those two questions due today?"
     "No those aren't due till next tuesday," the teacher snapped back at the girl, with the same look on his face.
  
     Point: My marine science teacher is an asshole. Obviously this girl got her work done, and I promise you I haven't done it yet. Why did he snap at her like that? I felt like it was really uncalled for. So uncalled for it confused me.

A few interesting notes from class:

  • Jellyfish are considered plankton!
  • Panktos is greek for 'wandering'
  • Silicate is glass! SiO2 also known as 'quartz'
I like those few moments in class where I'm like 'Woah! Thats actually cool!' They don't happen very often, and it's usually useless information that won't show up on a test.

A few days later I learned even more interesting things:

  • Bathypelagic Organisms: "Some of this stuff looks straight out of a nightmare." -my marine science teacher
  • Male Angler Fish: The males don't have to do anything! They just have to exist, and deliver sperm. I want a relationship like that.
  • Land animals come from fish with swim bladders that adapted so that they could take oxygen out of the air in the swim bladders, aka lungs! Thus creating the first amphibians thus creating the first land animals!
  • Every living thig has a weak electrical field. 
A bunch of minor things I learned that are really cool, but probably are not going to be on the final exam. Sucks.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

December in Tennessee

     "So hopefully I'll be spending most of December in Tennessee."
     I was telling Razz about how I'm going to visit Clair, my friend who moved to Tennessee this summer. Razz raised his eyebrows. "Most of December?"
     "Well yeah, maybe two weeks,"I said. I suddently realized how much I would miss Razz. I can't even go a whole day without wanting to see him.
     "Two weeks is too long," he said sadly, "Maybe a week."
     That was so sweet. I was so happy when he said that. He would miss me too. (And probably my favorite things about it was he didn't directly say it, but he let me know.)

Monday, November 14, 2011

Cruuz (part one)

     So the day finally came. I've been looking forward to it all week. Tonight, me and my boyfriend, Razz, were going to Cruuz, a gay club in Charleston, South Carolina. I was sitting at my computer. It was about six thirty, and I was going to leave in thirty minutes to pick up Razz. I was already ready. I felt like it should have taken me longer, but in all reality, I didn't do anything differently than I would if I were going to school. I took a shower, I spiked my hair, I brushed my teeth, and I put my clothes on (my favorite pair of jeans, and my favorite button-up.) I had ninety-two dollars in cash, and I had forty on my debit card. It was already decided that I was paying for most of the night, because Razz had a bad week at work. He at first didn't want to go, because he didn't want me to pay for him, but I forced him to let me pay. He could buy me an expensive dinner, or take me out to Cruuz again later. I put shoes and socks in my car, because Razz told me I shouldn't wear flip-flops to the club. (Note that I wear nothing but flip-flops. This was upsetting news to me.) He said that my feet were going to get stepped on, or I was going to (drunkenly) trip or something. I was ready. I drove over to Razz's house.
     Razz let me in. His face was shaved, which I had never seen before. Personally I like his scruff, but it was cute. It made me think of the pictures I've seen of him when he was my age. (I'm eighteen, he's twenty-two.) He walked me into the living room, and he went back to his room. He was still getting ready. I just sat in the living room watching television with his roommate Shell. I can't remember what we were watching, but I'm pretty sure we got through an entire episode before he was ready. "What a diva," I thought to myself, and then told him later. When he finished getting ready, he grabbed my hand and walked me out to my car.
     We first went to dinner. We went to my favorite restaurant in Beaufort, House of Tokyo. We sat down and both ordered two orders of sushi each. He told me more stories about things he did when he lived in Raleigh, and Denver while we waited for our food. (I really love his stories. Razz is a really fascinating guy.) We ate our food. Razz only ate about half his sushi. He was already slightly full from the ginger salad, and miso soup. He also said if he ate too much, he wouldn't want to drink later. This was a very smart idea, but I was starving, so I didn't follow his example. We got his left over sushi in a to-go box, I paid, and we left. (This wasn't a super important part of this story, but I really enjoyed our sushi date, so I wanted to talk about it a little.)
     So now was the true start of the night. We were headed to Charleston. Razz was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I was sipping on a blackberry alcoholic drink Razz bought me at the gas station we stopped at before we left Beaufort. We chained smoked and listened to music together while I started developing a buzz. (Razz and I decided it was a good idea to get me a little drunk before I got to the club, since I'm eighteen, and it would take more of a effort to sneak me drinks there.) I finished the can a little too quickly though. We were still about an hour from Charleston and I could already feel a good buzz. "Shit," I thought to myself, "I'm gonna get sober before I even get there."
     I just threw the empty can out the window and pop the tab on the second can. It was dark, so I couldn't see what it was, but about the size of a Four Loco. I knew it wasn't a Four Loco though, because I told Razz specifically not to buy me a Four Loco unless it was grape. (Which I'm starting to think doesn't exist anymore. I can't find them anywhere.) Well, it was about the grossest drink I have ever tasted. I've never had fermented cough medicine, but if I had to try it, I have a feeling it would taste like this drink, except the drink had a sickly sweet taste that attempted (and failed) to cover it up. I couldn't even take it down with a cigarette (which is my main strategy when it comes to downing gross drinks. I just set it in a cup holder in the back, and popped the tab on my second blackberry flavored drink. We ended up stopping at a gas station to go to the bathroom. Razz bought me a Lemonade Four Loco, (I told him anything was better than the what-ever-the-hell stuff he got me) and him a beer. (I was incredibly jealous of his beer.)
     After my second blackberry drink, a few sips of my lemonade Four Loco and Razz's beer, and many cigarettes later, we finally were in downtown Charleston. We circled downtown a couple of times, until we found a parking garage. I made Razz park at the top, despite the fact that he had to use the bathroom really badly. (I did too, but I love looking over Charleston, or any other city for that matter, from a high point of view like a parking garage. It's so pretty up there.) We parked, and we both decided that we would just pee in a corner next to our parking spot. (It was about eleven fifteen, so it was dark, and nobody was up there anyways. Not a lot of people were even parked up there. I looked over my shoulder and saw a security camera though. I told Razz and we both decided to ignore it.) Then we went to the elevators, and pressed one, for the bottom floor.
     Probably the coolest thing about the club was that it was right there. You take a left out of the elevator, you take five steps, and the entrance is immediately to your right. Razz and I stood outside for a couple more minutes to smoke one last cigarette. I was shocked. It was eleven fifteen and the club didn't seem very busy. (I had always heard you don't go to a club before ten. Razz informed me that the actual time was eleven.) The bounce and an (obviously gay) plump employee were standing outside to smoke a cigarette. I remembered I left my phone plugged into the charger an had Razz go with me back to the car so I could unplug it before we went in. (I mostly did it, because I didn't want to go in if it was dead in there. I wanted to buy some time.) Luckily, as we waited for the elevator, a large group of fellow gays stepped off. "Yes!" I exclaimed with a whisper in Razz's ear, "Gay people!"
     Once we got back down I was ready to go in. I handed the bouncer my I.D. first. He looked at it, put a wrist band with green x's on my left arm, and drew two large black x's on the back of both my hands with a large sharpie marker. "Great." I thought.
     Then Razz handed the bouncer his I.D. The bounce looked Razz up and down about ten times. "Yes," I thought to myself, "He's over twenty-one." It was obvious that the bouncer thought that it was a fake, because a twenty-two year old doesn't often come to a club with an eighteen year old. He finally handed him back his I.D. and put a red wrist band on his right arm. We walked inside, paid that plump gay guy, and continued into Cruuz.
     

 

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Turns out sex isn't really that great.

I was having 'ex problems' again, but it was a different kind. It was weird, but I was having sexual fantasies about Amaretto this morning. I was missing his sex. To the point where even Tristan's whole 'Don't let one person ruin it' thing wasn't working. But what did work was one thought I never really thought about. The fantasies are always better than the actual sex. It's something that I realized has never failed me. Even with Amaretto.

Sex and the City


I really like this picture.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I Feel Great

     So I had a pretty crap day today. Mostly just because of the fact that today at school was boring, (I mean, way more boring than usual) and my mind was dwelling on 'ex things' if you know what I mean. (I don't really want to go into too great detail.) So today, after (and during) calculus class, I wrote one of the most depressing pieces of writings I think I have ever written. (It was going into detail about how I feel about how I feel. I didn't even help, it just made me feel worse.) So anyways, I have a whole hour and twenty-five minutes before my 7:25pm English class, where all of my friends seem to disappear from campus. (I'm very lonely at this time, and usually use it trying to convince Kairi to spend time with me, or luring Sapling out of her dorm. Neither of which I am usually successful.) Well this time I was able to get Tristan to respond to my calls of loneliness, and went to hang out with him at his dorm. (By hang out I mean sit on his bed and play on his DS, while he reads a bunch of articles about Co-ed dorms.) Well at one point I sighed and said, "Today was a terrible day."
     To which he replied, "Yeah, I heard. F.C. told me. She said something about Amaretto, which I still don't know much about."
   Sometimes Tristan's passive aggressiveness, along with his lack of fear to make things awkward just shocks me. I'm not sure if these are some of his better, or worse traits. Either way, these are traits of his that makes me mad, and I was not about to have this conversation with him (especially). So I just responded, "Just a bunch of stupid shit."
     "Well I knew that much," he responded, obviously annoyed that he didn't get a more detailed response. (Yeah that's right Tristan, I did that on purpose.)
     So I left for class. A little early too. Tristan didn't seem like he was in a great mood (from the beginning), and neither was I.
     So I'm in English class, still wallowing in self pity, when I got a text. (I thought it was strange, because I just texted Kairi 'I'm Bored', and he usually doesn't respond to trivial texts like that, at least to me.) So I opened my phone expecting an unexpected text from Kairi. It wasn't Kairi (of course), it was Tristan.
     "Oh no," I thought, "Now he's gonna want to have a 'talk'."
     I opened the text.

Hope your stuff gets better; moving on takes time, but you have something that's nice now!

    "I hope he's not talking about my new beau, who's been treating me like I'm a fucking acquaintance of his." I thought bitterly. (Maybe getting in another relationship during the process of getting over the last one wasn't such a bright idea. Whatever, he was paying enough attention to me at the time.)

I replied, 'Thanks. It feels like forever since I've been happy.'

     Maybe a little too heartfelt. I don't know why I said that. Then Tristan texted me something very significant.

‎"There are great people in your life. Don't let one person ruin the good in everything else."

     That really caught me off guard. I was all of a sudden in a great mood. I even smiled. It was so weird too. I've bitched about Amaretto to so many people, and nobody has ever fucking told me to look on the bright side. Or maybe they did? Maybe they had to be more specific and tell me, "Look at all the great people in your life, and all you can think about is one shitty one?"
     And so that's basically it. All that story to get to one point. I'm in a good mood now. Hopefully it will last. When I read that, I feel like there was a window put between me and my thoughts about Amaretto, and that everyone around me (at this moment in time, the dreadful children in my Composition 101 class) became more real. I'm not sure how to describe it, but I feel like I've been lost in my own thought for such a long time, and Tristan's few words pulled me back into reality, at least for tonight. (I want to compare it to being high for a really long time, then becoming sober. I personally fucking hate the feeling of being high, so it felt really good to me.) So now I'm in a good mood. It's not even bothering me that much that my boyfriend isn't texting me back like he said he would (*twitch*). I don't think much could ruin this night. I feel great.
   


Monday, November 7, 2011

Tumblr Post

My friend posted this on his tumblr. I felt like I related to it a lot.

Marine Bio

So a while ago, I was in my marine biology class, and I was bored (as usual). So I spent my time writing random poems and thoughts down.

I cant stand science.
"Hope you've been studying folks!"
Nope. I don't study.

I hate the Beaufort campus. It's so dank, and there's nothing to do here.

You know what are pretty? Diatoms. They are so pretty under a microscope. So are most things made of silica.

Thanksgiving is a really obnoxious holiday.

I think my professor should be more impressed that I knew the word 'Calcium Carbonate'. I sure as hell was. Same thing with chemo synthesis. How many people in this classroom have a clue what that is?

I can't tell if tap water is nasty, or I just think tap water is nasty.

I didn't study,
I got an A on your quiz.
Haha teach, haha.

Sometimes I feel like I'm emotionless. I feel like that's my signs fault. I'm so un-sympathetic, it sucks. How am I suppose to expect people to feel sorry for me when I'm hurt, if I can't feel sorry for them?

When I took Marine Biology, I expected to actually learn about biology. Like bio, life, animals. Spending a semester on learning about tidal patterns is taking it's toll on my soul.

I wonder if people pass notes in college.

The professor has a terrible haircut.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Upset

    I feel like I'm more of a 'big picture' kind of person. I've been really unhappy lately. I feel like no one really can tell. I don't wanna be all melodramatic and all like 'Oh, I hide it well, but on the inside I'm spiraling into a dark hole of black roses and thorns and darkness blah blah.' but that's how it feels. Bleh. I need to get drunk.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Logic Class

So today I had logic class at 12:15pm. I spent my time writing Haiku's.

Dear professor Sloth,
Ur a nice enough person,
class is just boring. 

My teacher's name isn't actually sloth, but I didn't wanna use his real name. I was having conflicts to whether 'you're' was considered to have two syllables, or one, so I just used 'ur'.

J'ai faim; I'm hungry
I would really like Sonic.
They have the best food.

Lately I haven't been eating in the morning, and then I get to school and wonder why I'm hungry. I thought the last line in this was pretty cool because it only consisted of one syllable words.

Getting lost again.
I'm floating to my own world.
Public Broadcasting?

I always zone out in that class, because it's soo boring and confusing and difficult to understand. When I zoned back in at one point, they were talking about PBS and stuff. I thought the first line was really cool because it was all like 'two syllable word, one syllable word, two syllable word again!' like 2 1 2. I thought the pattern was cool. 

Roast Beef, Cheddar Cheese,
Mayonnaise, tomatoes, Chips
White bread, not wheat bread

I was still hungry. I had sandwich on my mind. I decided that mayonnaise had three syllables and not two. So pronounce it as 'May-on-naise'.

Blue and Green taxis
I totally got mind f**ked.
This happens a lot.

I got confused with this problem about the percentage of taxis or something. Why the hell did I take that class?

My stomach just growled.
Thai peanut flavored noodles.
J'ai faim; Still hungry

I feel like that one is self explanatory.

Adam walking by.
I see him outside my class.
He's not in my class.

When I was busy not paying attention in class, I saw my friend Adam walk by the window. I hope he's not offended. I'll tell him it's another Adam.



Monday, October 24, 2011

Don't Hold Your Breath; Hater; Bounce; i hate you

     Kyle was on his back porch smoking a cigarette, browsing the internet on his parents laptop, doing nothing particularly useful or productive. It was twelve o' clock and he was the only one awake in his house. He was already in a (slightly) bad mood. Kyle will have random nights where he cannot sleep. (He thinks he has a mild case of insomnia, but he's not sure. He doesn't know why it happens.) Not that he is usually asleep by this hour, but he gets this strange feeling in his stomach whenever he is about to have a sleepless night, and tonight he feels it. So he planned on spending his time doing what he usually does: take a late night walk around the nieghborhood (while smoking a cigarette), sit on his back porch on the computer just to be disapointed that no one is online (while smoking a cigarette), go to bed (not while smoking a cigarette), realize he's not sleeping (not while smoking a cigarette), and repeat. Until the sun comes up, and he has to go to school or whatever he's doing the next day. Right now though, people are still online for him to talk to, so he's fine for right now, but the ritual can begin to feel like torture.
     While still doing nothing in particular, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He got a text.

'Hey, what are you up to?' from Amaretto.

     Kyle's stomach felt sick. That horrible feeling that followed him around for days (but it felt like a lifetime). He felt like he was going to vomit, and his mood went from a feeling of slight discontentment, to that mixture of extreme sadness and anger he forgot about.

'Nothing. At home. I'm happy to hear from you.'

     Something in him really was happy to hear from him.

'Me too. I was afraid you wouldn't text back. Do you want to come over or something? i miss your face :)' from Amaretto.

     "He got rid of that gross, nasty slut," Kyle thought to himself. 

'Sure. I miss you too. I'm sorry about all the mean texts I sent you. It was childish of me.'

'i forgot all about those. i just miss you. Are you coming over?' from Amaretto.

'yes'

     Kyle got in his car. The sadness that vanished a couple of days ago all came back, but at the same time, he felt so fulfilled. Amaretto was finally paying attention to him again.
     He finally got to the Lays appartment complex. He drove in, and parked in front of appartment 3C. It was cold out, and Kyle could see his breath. He walked around to sit criss-cross on top of the back of his car, facing the appartment, like he always used to. He texted Amaretto, 'come outside'
     It wasn't long before Amaretto walked out of the appartment, walked over to the car, stood in front of Kyle, and rested his hands on Kyle's knees (just like he always used to), then he looked up into Kyle's face and smiled (just like he always used to). "How are you?" He asked (just like he always used to).
     Kyle smiled, even though he felt like he was going to cry. "I'm good," he said, "I should probably be asleep. I have class tomorrow."
     "Then you should have went to sleep," Amaretto said in a concerned voice, "We could have hung out later."
     "No, I wanted to tell you something."
     "What is it?" he asked.
     Kyle spat in his face. Kyle gave him a disgusted look and said, "I hate you. And I'm over you."
     Kyle drove home crying. He was slightly afraid Amaretto was gonna hit him, or get angry, but he didn't. He just stood there, with his eyes closed (probably to keep the spit from getting in his eyes). He lied. He really did hate him, but he wasn't over them. He felt like that encounter, even just that text set him back a few days. Kyle will get over him eventually.