Sunday, November 27, 2011

Ignored

     So I don't know how long me and Razz are going to last. I haven't really spent time with him or talked to him since my last post. (I forced him out of his house to buy me tequila and rum Friday. Immediately afterwards I dropped him off at his place and he scurried back in with barely a kiss goodbye. That doesn't count) I also by chance ran into him at Club Pantheon last night. (I knew he was going to Charleston, but I figured he wouldn't be going to Pantheon.) Yeah, I ran into him in the bathroom, and he gave me a look like "the fuck?". It's like jeez, happy to see you too dick. He quickly introduced me to his friends, we danced for a little, and the we separated. Now, here's the thing that drives me insane. I've gotten to a point where I have to make him promise repeatedly that we will hang out at a said time, but that doesn't even phase him. I told him He told me we would hang out Sunday, and now he can't, because he's tired. He's always tired. I really like him when he's around. If it keeps going like this I'm just gonna have no choice but to break up with him. Like a "Call me when I'm actually a priority of yours" situation.
   
     Oh, and by the way, I got one thing on my Christmas list. I came home the other day to my mom and my brother beating the hell out of my safe with mallets.
     "You didn't want it in one piece did you?" says my mother.
     "Well, kinda."
     I could have done that!

     Oh and can I add that obviously he can handle me going to Tennessee for two weeks. We're edging in on one.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

A Lovely Piece of Bread

     Isn't it freakin beautiful? Let it go on record that this is probably the most beautiful (and probably tastiest) thing that I have created in the kitchen. I don't mean to blow myself up, but I feel like the freakin man. Sprout was making bread, so I decided to make bread with him. I decided if it turned out good, I would give it to Razz, because I know he was feeling terrible last night, and I wanted to show him I can cook. It took me five hours to make this. Had to shape and cut out each freakin leaf. 
     Now I'm about to shove this lovely, warm bread up Razz's ass, because he won't answer any of my text or calls. You know he told me we were gonna go liquor shopping today, but I wasn't really concerned with that. I wasn't even really concerned with hanging out with him. I just wanted to know he felt better, and I wanted to give him the flippin bread I worked five hours on! This was suppose to be a fucking sweet and simple gesture Razz!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

My Christmas List

     So, I haven't written anything for bitter vitamins in a few days, so I felt guilty. Then I felt guilty because I told myself I can't feel guilty about not writing shit on here, it has to come naturally. Either way, that doesn't change the fact that I need to finish writing 'Cruuz'. Oh well, in the meantime, here's my Christmas list:

  1. A queen sized bed (maybe a tempurpedic? Maybe Razz will sleep over more often if I have this.)
  2. Hemp Body Lotion (from wal-mart. Any scent is okay, they all smell good. Maybe all three? It's not weed lotion, I promise.)
  3. Jake from Hollister (the cologne. there is not a guy named Jake from Hollister.)
  4. Boxer Briefs from Express (or Abercrombie, American Eagle, Hollister, where ever. It's just that as of now, even my fancy underwear is from Wal-mart.)
  5. 'The Hunger Games' and 'Catching Fire' (in hard-back. I have a copy of 'The Hunger Games' that I stole from my high school library, but it's all beat up and has that ugly clear plastic cover on it that they always put on books.)
  6. Some new jeans like Ret's (Ret is my brother, and my mom still buys him shit. A few months ago, my mom bought him some jeans from Hollister. They are fabulous, and if my mom or brother caught me trying to wear them, they flip the fuck out.)
  7. Plain black v-neck tees (like from Wal-mart. I know they are only like ten bucks but I'm broke as a joke right now and I'd much rather spend the little money I do have on booze, fast food, and cigarettes.)
  8. A new tattoo (I'm not sure of what, or where, but I know I want it. I saw some cool jellyfish tattoos on Tumblr.)
  9. A trip to Tennessee (To see my friend Clair!)
  10. Sonic Gift Cards!!!
  11. A new phone (or at least a battery. I don't really give a shit that I still own a flip phone, but the battery life is about eight hours on a good day.)
  12. Some (nice) flip-flops (Since that is about all I wear in the foot department, I feel like I deserve some name-brand flip-flops)
  13. Some new Ray-bans (mine are slightly broke up.)
  14. Photoshop
  15. My room cleaned (Oh good god!)
  16. A tanning membership (since it's cold, and I was too busy working all summer, I lack the pigment I crave.)
  17. Some new bed sheets (If I get my queen sized bed, I'll need them in queen sized.)
  18. To open that god damn safe in my room. (I swear, it's like a box of mystery. Enraged by my not finding the combination,  busted the hinges off the safe. I still couldn't open it.)
  19. A laptop (Fat chance.)
  20. HOUSE OF TOKYO!!!!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A Few Interesting Notes from Class

     "Can I go get my paper that's due today out of my car?"
     "Nothing's due today," the teacher said, (with a confused, almost disgusted, maybe snobby face).
     "I thought we had those two questions due today?"
     "No those aren't due till next tuesday," the teacher snapped back at the girl, with the same look on his face.
  
     Point: My marine science teacher is an asshole. Obviously this girl got her work done, and I promise you I haven't done it yet. Why did he snap at her like that? I felt like it was really uncalled for. So uncalled for it confused me.

A few interesting notes from class:

  • Jellyfish are considered plankton!
  • Panktos is greek for 'wandering'
  • Silicate is glass! SiO2 also known as 'quartz'
I like those few moments in class where I'm like 'Woah! Thats actually cool!' They don't happen very often, and it's usually useless information that won't show up on a test.

A few days later I learned even more interesting things:

  • Bathypelagic Organisms: "Some of this stuff looks straight out of a nightmare." -my marine science teacher
  • Male Angler Fish: The males don't have to do anything! They just have to exist, and deliver sperm. I want a relationship like that.
  • Land animals come from fish with swim bladders that adapted so that they could take oxygen out of the air in the swim bladders, aka lungs! Thus creating the first amphibians thus creating the first land animals!
  • Every living thig has a weak electrical field. 
A bunch of minor things I learned that are really cool, but probably are not going to be on the final exam. Sucks.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

December in Tennessee

     "So hopefully I'll be spending most of December in Tennessee."
     I was telling Razz about how I'm going to visit Clair, my friend who moved to Tennessee this summer. Razz raised his eyebrows. "Most of December?"
     "Well yeah, maybe two weeks,"I said. I suddently realized how much I would miss Razz. I can't even go a whole day without wanting to see him.
     "Two weeks is too long," he said sadly, "Maybe a week."
     That was so sweet. I was so happy when he said that. He would miss me too. (And probably my favorite things about it was he didn't directly say it, but he let me know.)

Monday, November 14, 2011

Cruuz (part one)

     So the day finally came. I've been looking forward to it all week. Tonight, me and my boyfriend, Razz, were going to Cruuz, a gay club in Charleston, South Carolina. I was sitting at my computer. It was about six thirty, and I was going to leave in thirty minutes to pick up Razz. I was already ready. I felt like it should have taken me longer, but in all reality, I didn't do anything differently than I would if I were going to school. I took a shower, I spiked my hair, I brushed my teeth, and I put my clothes on (my favorite pair of jeans, and my favorite button-up.) I had ninety-two dollars in cash, and I had forty on my debit card. It was already decided that I was paying for most of the night, because Razz had a bad week at work. He at first didn't want to go, because he didn't want me to pay for him, but I forced him to let me pay. He could buy me an expensive dinner, or take me out to Cruuz again later. I put shoes and socks in my car, because Razz told me I shouldn't wear flip-flops to the club. (Note that I wear nothing but flip-flops. This was upsetting news to me.) He said that my feet were going to get stepped on, or I was going to (drunkenly) trip or something. I was ready. I drove over to Razz's house.
     Razz let me in. His face was shaved, which I had never seen before. Personally I like his scruff, but it was cute. It made me think of the pictures I've seen of him when he was my age. (I'm eighteen, he's twenty-two.) He walked me into the living room, and he went back to his room. He was still getting ready. I just sat in the living room watching television with his roommate Shell. I can't remember what we were watching, but I'm pretty sure we got through an entire episode before he was ready. "What a diva," I thought to myself, and then told him later. When he finished getting ready, he grabbed my hand and walked me out to my car.
     We first went to dinner. We went to my favorite restaurant in Beaufort, House of Tokyo. We sat down and both ordered two orders of sushi each. He told me more stories about things he did when he lived in Raleigh, and Denver while we waited for our food. (I really love his stories. Razz is a really fascinating guy.) We ate our food. Razz only ate about half his sushi. He was already slightly full from the ginger salad, and miso soup. He also said if he ate too much, he wouldn't want to drink later. This was a very smart idea, but I was starving, so I didn't follow his example. We got his left over sushi in a to-go box, I paid, and we left. (This wasn't a super important part of this story, but I really enjoyed our sushi date, so I wanted to talk about it a little.)
     So now was the true start of the night. We were headed to Charleston. Razz was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I was sipping on a blackberry alcoholic drink Razz bought me at the gas station we stopped at before we left Beaufort. We chained smoked and listened to music together while I started developing a buzz. (Razz and I decided it was a good idea to get me a little drunk before I got to the club, since I'm eighteen, and it would take more of a effort to sneak me drinks there.) I finished the can a little too quickly though. We were still about an hour from Charleston and I could already feel a good buzz. "Shit," I thought to myself, "I'm gonna get sober before I even get there."
     I just threw the empty can out the window and pop the tab on the second can. It was dark, so I couldn't see what it was, but about the size of a Four Loco. I knew it wasn't a Four Loco though, because I told Razz specifically not to buy me a Four Loco unless it was grape. (Which I'm starting to think doesn't exist anymore. I can't find them anywhere.) Well, it was about the grossest drink I have ever tasted. I've never had fermented cough medicine, but if I had to try it, I have a feeling it would taste like this drink, except the drink had a sickly sweet taste that attempted (and failed) to cover it up. I couldn't even take it down with a cigarette (which is my main strategy when it comes to downing gross drinks. I just set it in a cup holder in the back, and popped the tab on my second blackberry flavored drink. We ended up stopping at a gas station to go to the bathroom. Razz bought me a Lemonade Four Loco, (I told him anything was better than the what-ever-the-hell stuff he got me) and him a beer. (I was incredibly jealous of his beer.)
     After my second blackberry drink, a few sips of my lemonade Four Loco and Razz's beer, and many cigarettes later, we finally were in downtown Charleston. We circled downtown a couple of times, until we found a parking garage. I made Razz park at the top, despite the fact that he had to use the bathroom really badly. (I did too, but I love looking over Charleston, or any other city for that matter, from a high point of view like a parking garage. It's so pretty up there.) We parked, and we both decided that we would just pee in a corner next to our parking spot. (It was about eleven fifteen, so it was dark, and nobody was up there anyways. Not a lot of people were even parked up there. I looked over my shoulder and saw a security camera though. I told Razz and we both decided to ignore it.) Then we went to the elevators, and pressed one, for the bottom floor.
     Probably the coolest thing about the club was that it was right there. You take a left out of the elevator, you take five steps, and the entrance is immediately to your right. Razz and I stood outside for a couple more minutes to smoke one last cigarette. I was shocked. It was eleven fifteen and the club didn't seem very busy. (I had always heard you don't go to a club before ten. Razz informed me that the actual time was eleven.) The bounce and an (obviously gay) plump employee were standing outside to smoke a cigarette. I remembered I left my phone plugged into the charger an had Razz go with me back to the car so I could unplug it before we went in. (I mostly did it, because I didn't want to go in if it was dead in there. I wanted to buy some time.) Luckily, as we waited for the elevator, a large group of fellow gays stepped off. "Yes!" I exclaimed with a whisper in Razz's ear, "Gay people!"
     Once we got back down I was ready to go in. I handed the bouncer my I.D. first. He looked at it, put a wrist band with green x's on my left arm, and drew two large black x's on the back of both my hands with a large sharpie marker. "Great." I thought.
     Then Razz handed the bouncer his I.D. The bounce looked Razz up and down about ten times. "Yes," I thought to myself, "He's over twenty-one." It was obvious that the bouncer thought that it was a fake, because a twenty-two year old doesn't often come to a club with an eighteen year old. He finally handed him back his I.D. and put a red wrist band on his right arm. We walked inside, paid that plump gay guy, and continued into Cruuz.
     

 

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Turns out sex isn't really that great.

I was having 'ex problems' again, but it was a different kind. It was weird, but I was having sexual fantasies about Amaretto this morning. I was missing his sex. To the point where even Tristan's whole 'Don't let one person ruin it' thing wasn't working. But what did work was one thought I never really thought about. The fantasies are always better than the actual sex. It's something that I realized has never failed me. Even with Amaretto.

Sex and the City


I really like this picture.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I Feel Great

     So I had a pretty crap day today. Mostly just because of the fact that today at school was boring, (I mean, way more boring than usual) and my mind was dwelling on 'ex things' if you know what I mean. (I don't really want to go into too great detail.) So today, after (and during) calculus class, I wrote one of the most depressing pieces of writings I think I have ever written. (It was going into detail about how I feel about how I feel. I didn't even help, it just made me feel worse.) So anyways, I have a whole hour and twenty-five minutes before my 7:25pm English class, where all of my friends seem to disappear from campus. (I'm very lonely at this time, and usually use it trying to convince Kairi to spend time with me, or luring Sapling out of her dorm. Neither of which I am usually successful.) Well this time I was able to get Tristan to respond to my calls of loneliness, and went to hang out with him at his dorm. (By hang out I mean sit on his bed and play on his DS, while he reads a bunch of articles about Co-ed dorms.) Well at one point I sighed and said, "Today was a terrible day."
     To which he replied, "Yeah, I heard. F.C. told me. She said something about Amaretto, which I still don't know much about."
   Sometimes Tristan's passive aggressiveness, along with his lack of fear to make things awkward just shocks me. I'm not sure if these are some of his better, or worse traits. Either way, these are traits of his that makes me mad, and I was not about to have this conversation with him (especially). So I just responded, "Just a bunch of stupid shit."
     "Well I knew that much," he responded, obviously annoyed that he didn't get a more detailed response. (Yeah that's right Tristan, I did that on purpose.)
     So I left for class. A little early too. Tristan didn't seem like he was in a great mood (from the beginning), and neither was I.
     So I'm in English class, still wallowing in self pity, when I got a text. (I thought it was strange, because I just texted Kairi 'I'm Bored', and he usually doesn't respond to trivial texts like that, at least to me.) So I opened my phone expecting an unexpected text from Kairi. It wasn't Kairi (of course), it was Tristan.
     "Oh no," I thought, "Now he's gonna want to have a 'talk'."
     I opened the text.

Hope your stuff gets better; moving on takes time, but you have something that's nice now!

    "I hope he's not talking about my new beau, who's been treating me like I'm a fucking acquaintance of his." I thought bitterly. (Maybe getting in another relationship during the process of getting over the last one wasn't such a bright idea. Whatever, he was paying enough attention to me at the time.)

I replied, 'Thanks. It feels like forever since I've been happy.'

     Maybe a little too heartfelt. I don't know why I said that. Then Tristan texted me something very significant.

"There are great people in your life. Don't let one person ruin the good in everything else."

     That really caught me off guard. I was all of a sudden in a great mood. I even smiled. It was so weird too. I've bitched about Amaretto to so many people, and nobody has ever fucking told me to look on the bright side. Or maybe they did? Maybe they had to be more specific and tell me, "Look at all the great people in your life, and all you can think about is one shitty one?"
     And so that's basically it. All that story to get to one point. I'm in a good mood now. Hopefully it will last. When I read that, I feel like there was a window put between me and my thoughts about Amaretto, and that everyone around me (at this moment in time, the dreadful children in my Composition 101 class) became more real. I'm not sure how to describe it, but I feel like I've been lost in my own thought for such a long time, and Tristan's few words pulled me back into reality, at least for tonight. (I want to compare it to being high for a really long time, then becoming sober. I personally fucking hate the feeling of being high, so it felt really good to me.) So now I'm in a good mood. It's not even bothering me that much that my boyfriend isn't texting me back like he said he would (*twitch*). I don't think much could ruin this night. I feel great.
   


Monday, November 7, 2011

Tumblr Post

My friend posted this on his tumblr. I felt like I related to it a lot.

Marine Bio

So a while ago, I was in my marine biology class, and I was bored (as usual). So I spent my time writing random poems and thoughts down.

I cant stand science.
"Hope you've been studying folks!"
Nope. I don't study.

I hate the Beaufort campus. It's so dank, and there's nothing to do here.

You know what are pretty? Diatoms. They are so pretty under a microscope. So are most things made of silica.

Thanksgiving is a really obnoxious holiday.

I think my professor should be more impressed that I knew the word 'Calcium Carbonate'. I sure as hell was. Same thing with chemo synthesis. How many people in this classroom have a clue what that is?

I can't tell if tap water is nasty, or I just think tap water is nasty.

I didn't study,
I got an A on your quiz.
Haha teach, haha.

Sometimes I feel like I'm emotionless. I feel like that's my signs fault. I'm so un-sympathetic, it sucks. How am I suppose to expect people to feel sorry for me when I'm hurt, if I can't feel sorry for them?

When I took Marine Biology, I expected to actually learn about biology. Like bio, life, animals. Spending a semester on learning about tidal patterns is taking it's toll on my soul.

I wonder if people pass notes in college.

The professor has a terrible haircut.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Upset

    I feel like I'm more of a 'big picture' kind of person. I've been really unhappy lately. I feel like no one really can tell. I don't wanna be all melodramatic and all like 'Oh, I hide it well, but on the inside I'm spiraling into a dark hole of black roses and thorns and darkness blah blah.' but that's how it feels. Bleh. I need to get drunk.